First Date Tips:
Advice on What to Wear and Ideas on How to Act
There are three extremely trying times to choose
the right clothes for the occasion: job
interviews, first dates and meeting the parents
nights. First date dressing is tough because you
usually don't know the other person well enough to
predict what will be attractive to him. You want
to look fabulous but not unattainable, chic but
not cheap. Add to the problem that you may or may
not be familiar with where you are going, and you
have the perfect explanation for women who choose
to stay home in a chenille robe with a bottle of
Two-Buck Chuck and a box of microwave kettle corn.
Let's go over some first date dress basics. Maybe you'll
get lucky and I'll have an idea you haven't
Any ideas on where you going on your first date?
If you can, have a conversation with your date to find out where you're going. But be simple with your questions to make sure you dont' sound to controlling. This will
help immeasurably, even if you can just get a
sense of the formality of the occasion. A good tip is it's
always better to be a little overdressed. We've
all at some time or another ended up at the
baseball game in a frilly, walk-in-the-park
sundress, which beats hell out of going to see Itzhak Perlman wearing skateboarding pants (which
happened to me once).
--Editors Tip ----------------------------------------------------------------------
Good Date Movies For At Home Dates
If you are still on your first few dates with a guy or girl, stay away from the serious dramas, bloody action flicks, and overly sad romantic (mushy-gushy) movies. Try sticking with up-beat, light hearted movies that are in the romantic comedy genre. He'll enjoy the comedy and you can enjoy the little bit of romance.
See a selection of recommended romantic comedies that are great for first dates or newly dating occassions.
Advice On Shoes: Comfortable vs. Sexy
Find out if you will be walking, and if so, how
far. If the guy's at all exercise or nature
oriented, double or triple the estimate he gives
you and you'll probably come close to the truth.
(And if he flat-out lies about how far the walk
is, don't go out with him a second time. Use this
estimate to choose the durability and support of
your shoes, and if you aren't confident, pack
along some cuter, (invariably less comfortable)
shoes in a bag.
The Little Black Dating Dress
If you're having the classic dinner date in a
place created to impress women on first dates, the
choice is simple. There is no substitute for the
little black dress (known in fashion circles as
LBD). It is equivalent to the men's fashion outfit: the classic dark grey suit. If you don't have one of these must-haves,
get out the catalogs, visit your favorite designer
on-line and choose the version that suits you
best. Add a purse, pumps and stole to match, and
there you have it. For premium wearability, your
LBD should be of medium length, and although the
classic is sleeveless (meant to be worn with
opera-length gloves), choose the sleeve length
based on your comfort.
The little black dress saw Audrey Hepburn's
character through most of "Breakfast at
Tiffany's", and there's no reason why you
shouldn't wear yours to parties, first dates and
anytime you want to feel absolutely classic. Vary
your jewelry and accessories, and you can wear it
to work, for lunch in the park, shopping with the
girls and dancing with the boys (or the other way
'round, if you prefer).
The Coffee or Lunch Day time Date
If your date has read the advice columns that say
to take the pressure off by having a coffee date
or a daytime date, you can expect to dress more
casually. In this case, it doesn't much matter
what you wear (as long as it's neat and
put-together), because you already know they guy
is either nervous or non-committal. In the first
case, you can graciously put him at ease: in the
second, you can keep him guessing.
Choice of the low-impact date does not indicate a
man's potential as a long-term romance.
Cheapskates and guys who aren't sure they want to
"really" date will choose the daytime scenario
because it's simple and cheap. They get exposure
without investment. Nice guys and shy guys will
choose this date because of its low-drama
possibilities. They get to be with you without
having to act like Cary Grant. Nice guys and
shy guys will either up the ante or wait quietly
in agony for you to express interest in seeing
them again. Cheapskates will expect you to pay for
your own coffee. Non-committal guys will say
they'll call you, then won't.
I want to add an aside about the coffee comment
above. I struggled with this question for years,
and paid for a lot of coffee (and dated several
cheapskates) until I figured out the flaw in the
feminist tao. You see, feminists are expected to
buy their own stuff, and sometimes the guy's stuff
too, in order to show how liberated we really are.
The mindset is, if you're going to be "freer" than
non-feminists, you should expect to pay your own
way. The fact is, if you adhere to this policy,
you will be less free than other women because you
will have less money. The other important fact to
consider is that women still earn about 60% of
what their male counterparts earn. Until we're
paid equally, men should always buy the coffee.
There is a creepy idea (often unspoken, often
assumed) that if a woman in not planning to become
sexually involved with a man, she should pay half.
If you ask me, that's selling sex pretty cheap. I
say, forget all that crap and hang out with guys
who don't have a problem buying your coffee and
dinner or waiting until you're good and ready
before making any moves on you. Besides all that,
if you're dating because you're looking for a
commitment, you want a guy who's going to be
willing and able to pay on a mortgage, and later,
for child support. His willingness to shell out
$2.50 for a latte is a very slight indicator of
his potential, but it's better than nothing.
Who Should Pay on the First Date? Guy vs. Girl
Although you shouldn't expect to pay for things on
a first date, bring along plenty of available
funding. At least enough for cab fare home.
If you think he's the sincere type and you want to
show that you like him (without saying anything
scary like, "I like you"), you might add an
element to your daytime-date outfit that you don't
wear every day just to acknowledge that something
nice is happening on this day. Wear a pair of
pants one shade nicer than what you usually wear,
or trade walking shoes for pumps. Don't make big
changes in makeup, though. Men have definite
feelings about and reactions to make-up, and if
your face looks noticeably different, he will
become frightened and disoriented.
Wedding and Special Occassion Party Dates
Part of the way we judge a potential relationship
is by the events we attend together. In straight
relationships, going to a wedding with a date is
an automatic increase in that relationship's
potential intimacy, if the man has invited the
woman along. If the woman invites the man and he's
not ready for the commitment of witnessing someone
else's commitment, he will either decline, bail at
the last minute, or attend with great discomfort
and break off the relationship soon after. In same
or opposite-sex couples, asking someone to attend
a wedding with you is a bold maneuver to be taken
on only if you're sure your relationship is ready
for it, or if you want the other person to break
up with you. (A sit-com scenario. Someone asks a
woman, "What do you say if you want to get rid of
a guy?" Her answer: "I say, 'I love you and I want
to have your babies'".
If you get asked to a wedding on a first date,
you're either with a social inept, a potential
stalker, someone who's been in love with you from
afar for ten years, someone who thinks it'll be a
good way to get laid, or someone who has nothing
left to lose. For these reasons, I would not
accept such a first date, eliminating the need for
discussing what to wear at such a debacle.
Dates to Baseball or Sporting Event Games
Jeans or chinos, a hat, layers, and bring a thick
sweater if you live near the sea. Nothing too
sexy, nothing that can't be washed if you have
beer spilled on you or if you sit in gum.
The Sleaze Factor: Don't Dress Too Sexy
It's tempting to dress as sexy as the magazine
models, but in the harsh light of day or the
romantic candlelight of evening, it rarely works
out that way. Sexy has a way of turning sleazy
when you least expect it. The artistry of dressing
to impress means utilizing restraint, so save the
micro-minis and see-through tops for those
rumpus-filled evenings at home and opt for looking
pretty in public.