Beauty Comes From Within
Sexy is definitely a state of mind, and with the
fast pace of today's lifestyle, women and men too
are finding themselves too distracted, too anxious
or too tired to feel sexy. Some companies are
cashing in on the big slump in Western libidos by
creating pills containing herbs or chemicals
designed to stimulate exhausted, stressed-out
people to ever more frenzied sexual activity. I
think it's sad that we're using pills when what
people really need is more time to relax.
If your sex life has taken a dive, there are
usually entirely natural and reasonable causes.
Rather than doping yourself to feel something, try
the following tips first. They are time-honored
strategies.
Get real. If you're working 60 hours a week,
commuting, competing, keeping up with kids and
still expecting to get it on three times a week,
you're expecting too much of yourself. If your
health isn't what it should be, if you're having
problems at work, or if you're in financial
difficulties, your sex drive is also going to be
running on empty. A natural response to hard
times, a reduced sex drive could be your body's
way of protecting you from pregnancy during times
of stress. (Of course, that's no reason to forget
your birth control: bodies aren't that smart!) If
your sex drive is nil in response to an overly
stressful lifestyle, don't just target your sex
life; take some serious time to think about how to
change your overall quality of life.
Get a sitter. Parents (especially new parents) are
so focused on their children that sex goes right
out the window. Getting a sitter is more than just
planning an evening alone: it's something you
should do on a regular basis to give you some of
your pre-parenting life back. New parents should
have a sitter lined up before the baby's born, and
should start going out alone and together right
away. Getting out in the world again helps combat
post-partum blues, and contributes to re-starting
a healthy sex life. If you're not sleeping because
of a baby, hire a sitter to come in while you're
home so you can nap while someone else watches the
baby.
Get some rest. To feel sexy, you have to be
relaxed, but not exhausted. You need to have had
enough sleep in the past twenty-four hours to put
in an hour or two of sack time with someone else.
If your lover wants to fool around and all you can
think about is how tired you are, it isn't going
to be much fun. Schedule time for resting as well
as sleep. Doze on the couch, hang around in a
hammock. Reconsider your priorities. Let the lawn
go another day and skip the PTA meeting in favor
of lying in a chaise in the backyard.
Get organized. Couples who have a good sex life
often say that while spontaneity is a nice idea,
planning gets things done. Make a date with your
sweetheart in advance, then plan your day around
it so that nothing else interferes.
Get together. Most women can't just turn sexy
feelings on at a moment's notice. Make sure your
partner understands that you need more
togetherness than just sex. Make time to cuddle on
the couch, to do fun, non-sexual things together,
and to talk. Feeling closer in other areas of your
life can help you get closer in the sexual aspects
too.
Get playful. Read erotica. Visit a hot-tub place
together. Experiment with massage oils and sexy
games. Light candles and drink champagne in bed.
Dress up in lingerie (get a cute satin corset from
www.lovefifi.com) and have some fun. You don't
have to play games all the time, but occasional
side trips to the Land of Kinky can keep things
spicy and fresh.
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If you’re like most of us, you sleep in something along the lines of a comfortable t-shirt and a pair of sweats. Give yourself a little pick-me-up with cute and sexy nighties, and wear them around the house just for kicks. Try a baby-doll or a strappy silk confection that clearly wasn’t meant to be slept in. Silk pajamas are fun for lounging, and even an old-fashioned embroidered cotton nightgown can put you in a different frame of mind. As you’re getting into bed, swap your play-clothes for — you guessed it — that comfy T-shirt and those soft, old sweats.
